What I say at weddings now

For the first year I over-prepared. I had a paragraph. I had a medical-sounding half-truth. I had a plan to hold a beer bottle full of water like a prop in a school play.

What I actually use now: “I’m not drinking tonight — but a soda water would be great.”

Nine words. Then I ask them something about themselves, and the moment closes. Almost nobody follows up. The people who do are usually asking for themselves.

The part that took longer

Leaving early is allowed. I stopped treating the last ninety minutes of a reception as a test I had to pass. Nobody remembers who stayed. I remember every morning I woke up clear.